The Secret to Discovering What You Should Do With Your Life

Picture this: 

A little boy—just 7 years old—walks tentatively onto a stage all by himself. He’s dressed in black and looks like a mini popstar. He even has on one of those cool headset microphones the stars wear. 

The room is dark, except for the spotlights. I’m not sure he can see the several hundred people watching from the stands but he must know they are there. The room is completely silent for a moment and then as the MC announces his name, the crowd erupts in cheers and applause. 

When the music finally starts this little kid sings and dances his heart out, captivating the audience. When it’s all over, the little boy walks off the stage—no longer tentative, a huge smile on his face—to a thunderous applause.

This is a story about my youngest son from just the other day and what a moment it was! Almost as soon as he walked out onto that stage my eyes welled up. There’s nothing quite like tears of pride—not sadness but also not quite happiness, these tears come from a different place, that part of us that can feel unconditionally, that part of us that can so completely identify with someone else that all sense of separation disappears.

At first, I was worried for my son. As someone who struggled with the fear of public speaking for a lot of my youth, I know how it can feel to stand up before a crowd. But as he got going and I realized he was going to be just fine, my worry transformed into something totally different, something magical. We already know from sacred teachers like Jesus that the key to life is the Golden Rule. But we so rarely actually care about the welfare of someone else as much as much as we do our own, that the immense emotional and motivating power of this truth remains unavailable to us. Moments like this remind us what’s possible. 

Anyway, a few days later, my son was arguing with me about going to jiu jitsu class and he said the funniest thing. Still feeling the high from his big moment, he said “Dad. I’m a creative and a performer not some wrestler.” I couldn’t help but laugh. Where do kids come up with this stuff? But what my son said revealed something rather profound. 

By the way, I made him go to jiu jitsu anyway because even performers need to know how to fight and there’s only so much of this new age parenting stuff that I’m down with! 

I share this story not to flex as a proud dad but because it made me realize something important about education and the search for the good life. Finding the ideal path in life comes down to exposure and opportunity. It’s that simple. 

I’ve been incredibly lucky in this regard, my kids even more so. Much of my desire to give back to my community and help others stems from my understanding of this. I’ve seen what good looks like and it’s incredible. How many kids have the chance at age 7 to have an experience like my son? How many kids get to grow up in a thoughtfully, intentionally designed environment—at home, in school, and in the community—where what’s prioritized is the complete development of each individual kid? 

The tragedy of our society is that the distribution of this kind of opportunity is wildly skewed. Too few people get to grow up in environments rich with possibility. They don’t have enough chances to explore and discover, to push the boundaries of their curiosity, or to express the full scope of their creative spirit. This creates a de facto class system where some people are able to pursue their true dreams while most are forced to compromise at the altar of financial necessity. 

As a father, I cannot help but believe in the future and the possibility that we can make things better. Education is obviously the key. We need to create a system where everyone has a chance to discover what they were born to do, the earlier in life the better!

Even for us adults, we have to remember that it’s never too late. The key is to reframe your internal discussion around work and productive life from “What can I do to make (a lot of) money?” to “What have I been called to do?” This takes courage and a lot of hard work and introspection. When everything in your culture is screaming at you to sacrifice yourself at the altar of money, it’s hard to look inward and see the clues for a more authentic and meaningful life. But they are there. They are always there.

The aim of all education is (should be) to find a path that has a heart. We’re taught—as men especially—to suppress, ignore, and “overcome” our emotions. This is not without reason as our emotions often betray us. However, in doing so, we risk missing out on some rather important information, for you cannot think or reason your way to understanding your calling. The information just doesn’t come in that way. It comes as emotion and intuition, like the feeling my son must’ve felt walking off that stage that has him convinced he was born to create and perform. 

How do you determine if your path has a heart?  Basically, it comes down to paying close attention to small clues from your emotions, intuitions, and nervous system.  You need to ask yourself questions like:

What lights me up?  Makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up?  Brings tears to my eyes?

How do I feel?

What keeps coming back into my life over and over again?  What ideas can I not let go of?

What fascinates me? 

What comes easy?  What comes hard?  What am I really afraid of? 

As you gather the answers to these questions, look for the patterns and intersections. That’s where you will find the clues to your calling!

P.S.

More art based on the beauty of water!

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