People Skills in the Age of AI

There’s an enormous amount of fear in the world today around the rise of AI. Most of it is misplaced. AI might be coming for your job. It might even be coming for your freedom, if it gets into the wrong hands. But it’s never going to replace you.

You are a human being and your powers are different—as unquantifiable as they are undefinable. If you are feeling AI anxiety, remember that you aren’t here to serve as some cog in the money-making machine. You are here for meaning and there’s nothing about AI or any other technology that can take that away from you.

The more I think about AI, the more convinced I am that there’s reason to rejoice. AI might free us from a lot of the burdens of modern economic life and enable us to get back to a more balanced existence, back to what we’re here to do in the first place—to live a full life. If we play our cards right, we are going to quickly go from a society of people who live to make money to one that lives to…well…live. We’re going to start looking at ourselves and each other, not as the means of production, but in a more fully human sense.

To be sure, AI will be disruptive, massively so. But like all such disruptions, it will open up new vistas for human endeavor. There will be new things to do, new missions to serve. One thing will stay the same though: the need to be good with people. 

We already have a bad habit of underemphasizing the role of people in business. We tend to think about it as all these other things—money, finance, accounting, marketing, risk, sales, production, strategy…—when it’s really just about people.  You see, business happens in the real world, and in the real world, it’s people and relationships that matter the most. 

Well, in the AI future, people skills are going to become paramount. Think about it: as computers do more and more of our thinking, organizing, building, and creating, what will remain?  What will be left for us to do? If the futurists are right about AGI, human relations will become our work.

I’m so convinced of this that I’m urging anyone and everyone that asks for advice to focus their efforts in this direction.  First of all, even if I’m wrong about the future, will any effort made to be better with people will go to waste? Plus, if I am right, this could be a difference maker in the new economy.

What, then, does it mean to be good with people? 

This is one of those things in life that you know by its works:

Do people want to hang out with you? Talk to you? Work with you? Live with you? Do business with you?...

As long as you are the slightest bit aware and willing to be honest with yourself, you know how are doing on this front. It might be hard for those who seriously lack self-awareness (more common than you think) or those who are completely delusional (also more common than you think), but for the rest of us it’s pretty clear. By the way, if you don’t know whether you are good with people or not, you probably aren’t!

Anyway, it’s an open question whether people skills are something we are just born with or something that we can learn. 

I think most people figure out how to make their way in social life. Some are exceptionally good with people while others are marginally so. It’s not always graceful or pretty, but most people get by somehow.  I’ve noticed that people tend to favor one parent or another when it comes to the way they deal with others. Does that mean we inherit these traits or learn them? Who knows!

As someone who believes profoundly in the capacity for human growth, I think it’s best to just assume that it’s possible to learn this art. Aren’t we just screwed as a species if we cannot? 

Fortunately, being good with people is pretty straightforward. A decent upbringing, functioning mirror neuron circuitry, and a little self-awareness is all you really need. At the physiological level, we’re talking about things like eye-contact, smiling, posture, and a good handshake. Psychologically, it’s about being curious, listening carefully, and making connections. And socially, it’s about understanding the basics of group dynamics, knowing how to read social cues, and being up to speed on certain cultural conventions. 

To be great with people is another thing altogether. This is something that demands serious study and practice. At its core, the challenge is a philosophical, moral, and spiritual matter. What separates the great from the merely good is a steadfast belief in the inherent value of all people. It’s literally impossible to be great with people and not believe this. 

Sadly, this is not nearly as widely held of a belief as you’d think. One of the biggest shocks of getting older is realizing just how many people say/think they believe this but don’t actually do so. When you watch how people treat those closest to them or complete strangers or service workers, actions betray the truth.  So many people are often overly transactional or too socially opportunistic (what can you do for me?) or just plain rude. Whatever you do, don’t be like this.

Assuming you can get past this foundational step, you next have to learn how to be likable. This is easier than you might think. When we evaluate whether we “like” someone else, we ask ourselves questions such as:

Is this person fun? Entertaining? Enjoyable to be around? 

Are they trustworthy? Reliable?

Are they easy to communicate with? Plan things with?

Can they help me? Will they?

But the core question we’re really answering is: “How does this person make me feel?” And what people want to feel most is that they are valued, not for what they might be able to do for you, but simply for who they are. This is why believing in the inherent value of others is so important. People can see right through those who are inauthentic about this. They might like you in a sense and tolerate being around you because you are interesting, funny, or useful but they will never really “like” you. 

My kids are starting to pick-up on Gen Alpha slang and talking about people having “rizz” (short for “charisma”). For them, rizz is a manifestation of confidence or humor or cool clothes, but the ultimate rizz is knowing how to make people feel truly seen and heard. Look behind any great leadership story and you’ll find a person who genuinely believes in the inherent value of others. 

Everything follows from this, even the body language and mannerism stuff. It’s hard to look someone in the eye if you cannot see or believe in their inherent value as a human being, right? Much of the work of elite people skills involves learning how to overcome things like cynicism, bias, selfishness, and our proclivity to judge. To be sure, life can be hard, harsh, and unfair and undoubtedly, people will treat you poorly. But no matter what happens to you in your life, you have to find your way to believe in the value of others.  It’s the only path to being great with people. 

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